Pregnancy After Loss – Fears, Emotions And Thoughts

There is no easy way to discuss this, because I genuinely think that people will feel different. But I have also found that it is still a subject that isn’t discussed enough, so I wanted to share how I have been feeling about it all. I guess pregnancy after loss was always going to be a rollercoaster of emotions. Some happy, positive and feelings of being overjoyed. Sometimes feeling like you are in a dark place of fear and anxiety. I don’t think the conflict of emotion will go away until there is a baby in our arms. 

Going through an ectopic pregnancy and the two miscarriages changed me as a person, in ways I can’t begin to describe in words. I am not the happy, care-free individual I once was. I am so much more aware of hidden stories and things people go through behind closed doors, because I have been there. I break far more easily and probably rely on my husband way too much to build me back up again. But then while I wish we never had to go through what we did, I also want to take some positives from it. I am so much more grateful for the things I do have in my life. I am much more aware of emotions, and I guess, to give myself a little credit, I am a far stronger person today than I ever was. 

I am, as it stands today, 30 weeks pregnant, and I wanted to talk about the conflict of emotions that I have been feeling since being pregnant and to reach this stage, when my other pregnancies haven’t been so fortunate. To say that it hasn’t been easy will be an understatement. I have a conflict of emotion on a daily basis. I go from feeling happy and excited to feeling anxious and worried from one minute to the next. 

Back in the early days of pregnancy I had a huge fear every time I went to the bathroom. I expected to find something was wrong. That history was going to repeat itself. I also felt hideous with pregnancy symptoms, albeit not as tough as some people have, and I felt conflicted to moan about those symptoms because I felt like I had to be this positive and happy person to be pregnant all of the time. 

Being pregnant was a dream, it was something myself and my husband wanted for so long. So to moan about something that you have wanted felt so morally wrong. But yet, had I have not been through the miscarriages, would I think twice about complaining of sickness or tiredness? Definitely not. I certainly didn’t when I was pregnant with my son. 

I decided to talk about it a little more openly through a video that has gone live on YouTube and IGTV a few months ago. I found that it can sometimes be easier to just talk about it, rather than try and put something into words. 

I hope that if you find yourself in this situation of being pregnant after loss that the worry you feel, the fear, and the anxiety will feel more normalised. It’s totally normal to feel down and out. 

Trying To Conceive? The Best Advice

Did you know that today is National baby making day? The truth is, many couples decide around new year that they are ready to start a family or add to their existing one, and some even set it as a goal or resolution for the new year ahead. So with fresh motivation today is one of the most popular days to conceive and technically get pregnant. 

However, whether you are reading this in January or any other time of the year, trying to conceive is not as easy as some people expect it to be. Sure there are couples out there who are lucky to catch fairly early on in their TTC journey. Other couples take longer for a variety of reasons. Some need some extra help. The trying to conceive journey is not plain sailing, and at times, it can end in heartbreak. But, to keep things positive, it is an extremely exciting time in your relationship. To decide to start or add to your family can feel like you are about to embark on the next chapter of your life. So are there any things that you can do to help the journey along? 

While there are no guarantees that these things are sure fire ways to get pregnant, getting yourself in the best possible shape or in the best position doesn’t cause any harm. So here are some of the best tips to help you on your TTC journey. 

Image source – Pixabay

Eating the right foods

Yes, believe it or not, your diet can play a big part. There are foods that are worth adding to your diet or increasing your consumption of if you are serious about conceiving and getting pregnant. These foods include leafy greens which are spinach, broccoli and Kale. Other foods include oranges and strawberries and beans and nuts. These foods in particular contain folic aside which is a great vitamin to have as part of your diet and recommended throughout the first twelve weeks of pregnancy. Other foods to indulge on is things containing calcium, such as milk, yoghurt and cheese. Also iron is important which you can find in lean meats. Going for a balanced approach is key, but ensuring you are getting all of the essential nutrients to nourish your body is an excellent platform to begin with. 

Exercise or being more active

While you may not want to start some gruelling exercise regime, getting more active can be a great way to naturally get your body in shape for pregnancy. It includes things like walking more or maybe staring light exercise classes or taking up running. Funnily enough, in 2019 I had started the couch to 5k with some friends and happened to be in really good shape. Something I had not prioritised for a long time. low and behold, 2019 was the year that I got pregnant again but I was also able to get beyond 12 weeks so there may be something in it. If you just want to increase your activity focus on how many steps you take each day. This can be a great starting point. 

Get to know your cycles

I know this one can be tricky, but getting to know your period and menstrual cycle can be a great way to indicate the days you are ovulating and more likely to conceive. I never realised there was a window of opportunity before my husband and I began trying for a baby a few years ago. Our son was a surprise so we had never had to do that before. I used a few different applications on my phone, some of which are free, and it can give you a great indication of your fertile window. Also you can now do ovulation tests at home which can also help you to understand the best days to “try”.

Take the pressure off

The one piece of advice I wish I had listened to sooner than I did was to take the pressure off. I can admit that I got consumed with which days to try and what was going on with my body. Which means that you can easily forget that the whole “baby making” process should be a fun and loving time in a relationship. The more pressure you put on yourself, the less likely it will happen. Last year I had actually given up hope. Having had a lot fo tests done and investigations into why we were taking time to conceive and then unable to keep a pregnancy, I cam to the conclusion that we were done. But then our little miracle happened. Enjoy the process, be excited and happy about the next chapter, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself to make it happen. 

In 2019, it happened to be the year that I began to take better care of myself. I reduced the amount of alcohol I drank in the week, I exercise more regularly with regular walking and running, and I ate well. I didn’t sacrifice anything or deny myself anything that I wanted, but I also took better care of myself physically. Having said that I also worked hard on my mental health. I struggle with anxiety, and can often have days where I feel low and down. I really practiced self care and took time to understand what was causing my anxiety. I learned to be grateful for what I had, the life I was living and have a more positive outlook on life. It certainly didn’t happen over night, but I do think that working on myself was a factor into getting pregnant once again and getting to the stage beyond twelve weeks and beyond. 

I hope that some of these tips and advice helps you if you are hoping to conceive. Leave me your comments and tips on what worked for you. 

Goals For The Week And Re-cap 7th October

I love setting goals, in fact I am such a list writer and “to do” list person, that setting goals has just become part and parcel of that. Even if it is a list of things that need to be done that day, I consider them goals that I want to achieve. After all, it is always worth celebrating the little wins as it can really keep you keep going, especially on those tough parenting days. 

So I thought it would be a good idea to set myself some weekly goals on here. Things to do with life, housework and jobs, work related stuff and parenting things. It may incentivise you to do something similar, or to add some of them to your own list. I am just hoping it helps me to stay accountable. 

So this week I want to try and achieve the following:

Work related goals

  • To have published two blog posts on here this week. 
  • To get involved with Baby Loss Awareness week which starts on the 9th October. 
  • To have completed my contracted blog writing work before school pick up time. Something that I have been struggling to do recently.
  • To consistently upload on my Instagram on my feed as well as through Instagram stories. If you don’t already come and follow and say hi!

There are not that many as I do have a heavy workload of freelance writing anyway, but I am hoping that if I can get these things achieved, then it will enable me to keep up with momentum. 

Housework jobs

  • To have mopped the downstairs, cleaned all the skirting boards, and deep cleaned the living room ready for new sofa day on Saturday. I am very excited. 
  • Do an inventory of the cupboards, fridge and freezer and come up with a meal plan moving forward. I am hoping this will encourage me to use the things I have in, rather than buying anything extra. 
  • To have sorted my wardrobe
  • Deep clean the bathroom

Aside from the usual daily clean jobs that I do such as hoovering, tidying and general day to day chores, these things are additional extras that I would like to get sorted. 

Parenting bits

  • Work on numbers with Logan. I have noticed that he sometimes gets his numbers the wrong way round. He doesn’t do it with letters, so I am going to work through some of the books that he has and see if some practice can help. 
  • Daily practice on the school maths and reading apps
  • Daily reading
  • To keep working with the rewards charts

Life goals

  • Drink more water each day. Aiming for two litres at least. I am rubbish at drinking water so this is definitely something I need to work on, especially with being pregnant
  • Keep a positive mindset. Something that I am working on at the moment. 
  • Get a little organised with the house. 

This week in review

This last week has been a fantastic week of work for me. I have worked really hard to get into a routine with all of the things that I want and need to do. I managed to get my first trimester blog post published, as well as a blog discussing the rewards charts and changes we have made when it comes to discipline.

This week has also seen immense progress with Logan using his rewards chart and his behaviour really improving and I am so happy that a) I have managed to stick with it, and b) he is still loving the incentive and also thinking about his actions and behaviour. 

I also managed to get a YouTube video published discussing the first trimester. You can watch it below if you like. While you are there it would be amazing if you could subscribe 🙂 

We also found out the gender of our baby and revealed it over on Instagram. We’re expecting a little girl and we are beyond excited. Overall it has been a fantastic week and I am starting out this one very positive and hopeful to continue with the momentum for work and home life. 

I hope you all have a fabulous week.