Having a baby was something I just expected to happen. After all, I already had a baby, and that was a complete surprise. Logan came along in a whirlwind. Myself and my now husband hadn’t been together too long, and to say we weren’t exactly prepared would be an understatement. Of course, we were extremely excited, and I would say having Logan has certainly been a highlight in our lives. But, the one thing I never thought would happen would be the difficulty of trying to conceive once more. Surely if it happened the first time, it would happen again easily enough, right? Wrong!
When Logan turned two, we thought it would be a great idea to have another baby. We have Luca as well, but as he isn’t with us 100% of the time, we thought it would be nice to add another sibling into the mix. We tried, and for a few months, nothing happened. I know that these things can go like this, so when September 2015 rolled around and we finally got that very much wanted positive pregnancy test we were elated. It was finally happening for us. However, it doesn’t always go to plan does it? I started to experience pain, and bleeding, and to cut a long story short, one I plan on blogging about but have talked about on Instagram, I was having an ectopic pregnancy. Baby loss was something I knew very little about. I was aware of it, I knew it could happen, but thats as much thought as I had given it in the past. This pregnancy was something I did not expect to end in the way that it did.
It took a while to get over it, and it never actually leaves you, but we knew we wanted to try again, and that we did. However, it took 18 long months later to finally get a positive pregnancy test once more, a month after our wedding day, perfect time you would think. May 2017 and again the excitement took hold quickly. I was cautious, but I just thought that this was finally our time. But only a few short weeks later, the pain returned and so did the bleeding, and after regular trips to the hospital, a promise of an intermittent heartbeat being detected it turned out that out little one hadn’t made it. I could have waited for it to happen naturally. But I went numb and just wanted the whole thing to be over as soon as possible, so I opted to have the surgery to end the pregnancy.
I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Like the last time, I distracted myself with life and got on with things, and surprisingly only a few short months later in September 2017 I was pregnant once again. This was going to be it. I was sure of it. But this time the doubt and the fear was overwhelming. Every little niggle I was scared. Everytime I went to the bathroom I was scared. A few weeks later, it was the weekend, and the start of Logans first half term. I started to feel period style pains and cramps and bleeding heavily. I was miscarrying again, only this time it was happening all on its own. I remember the day vividly. I remember it happening. It is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. From October 2017 to today now January 2019, we have continued to try, albeit not in a strict kind of way. We want nature to takes it course but sadly it hasn’t happened for us. We are under the care of the hospital. We have had scans and an MRI to see if there is any reason why this keeps happening, and we now have some difinitive answers which will be coming up in a future blog post. I wanted to start tracking our trying to conceive journey. I want to try new methods and things to see if it helps increase our chances. I also want to be able to share with you all the highs and the lows, baby loss, what it means and the general mental impact this can have on you. We are still positive that we will be able to conceive again, and this is going to workout for us. But we also realise how very blessed we are with two healthy boys.
Do you have any trying to conceive tips you would like to share? Leave a comment below with your advice.